I went outside and cut away all the dead stuff in our flower beds. There is something so therapeutic about being outside and working on landscaping. It was so neat to see the little green plants that were under all that dead. It made me hopeful...that with spring brings new life. It makes me hopeful that maybe our baby is coming and that under all this pain, confusion, waiting...there is our baby ready to spring into our lives. I have felt God talking to me lately. Some days are hard and I am tired of not knowing when our child is arriving and tired of waiting. I just want our nursery to have our little one there. I just want an answer of when. One morning.. I was crying and praying to God for strength to help get me through this because I was feeling so weak. It was crazy, but that day one of my friends, Theresa, brought in a card and baby book. She said she had been thinking about me and the card said that she was proud of my strength and that it must be hard to not know when our baby is coming. I was amazed because God did that. He knew I needed to hear it. It meant so much to me!
I was hurting so much last year at this time. Being in church was hard...because some days I was mad at God...mad at him for making me wait so long to be a mom...mad that our child hadn't come....and it was hard to see all the families hugging their babies...I wanted that...I wanted to have the clothespin from the nursery attached to my pants. I wanted to have a cute little one dressed up in their "church" clothes....I wanted to have a little one to dance with during our worship songs! I was hopeful too! I was hopeful God was holding me and leading us to adopt! I was hopeful God was working in our momma angel's heart! I was hopeful that God would send us the one..the one we had waited for! And he did! He rained down his love and then it all made sense...why the heartache..the pain..the wondering....it brought Matt and I together stronger than ever in our faith and it made me realize personally...that God is always holding me and always wanting to the best for us...even through pain!
Today in church we sang the song This is the One We Have Waited For...this song gets me teary eyed everytime...really for two reason....one that I was waiting on God's answer...God's plan to be revealed for our family...and because our precious Nella is the one the one I would sit on the nursery floor and pray for! The one that we were preparing for....it is crazy to think! Sometimes I look at her and I am amazed! Amazed she is here! She is ours! Still I feel God's love pour out of her and you know what...I don't think that will ever ever go away...or least I hope not.
So I am not really sure who reads my blog....I am not sure if anyone looks at this...but if you find yourself hurting today...find yourself...feeling lost, without hope, or hanging on by a thread for whatever reason..just know God is with you! He is holding you! He has a plan! He loves you and wants the best for you!
Our little love girl...is 10 months!!! Can you believe it? She is the sweetest, most loving, and funniest little love! She blows kisses constantly. She will lean back into me and give me the biggest wet kiss over and over. She giggles and smiles all the way to her toes. She loves to stand and walk with your hands. She makes this uh uh sound until you take her all around the house. She wants to go so bad....she is a talker! She talks constantly and with so much excitement...not sure where in the world she gets that from...Miss roo is a big eater girl too! She loves to eat and throughly enjoys her breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner! She loves anything and everything!
Here are some pics of our girl this month! We are just enjoying hanging out and enjoying all our moments with our girl!
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